I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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