She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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