Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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