tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
