I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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