ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
