I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
