I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
