Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
