You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
