My brain says no but my pants say off.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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