sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
