you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
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How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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