these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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