What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Shame - the story of my life.
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