I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Blood and glitter go together right?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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