New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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