He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked