You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
