thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
