dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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