shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
