Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
