dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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