Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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