No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
