piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
