after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
