I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
