I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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