I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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