the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize