I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously