I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels