So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
