This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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