if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
