I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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