good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it