At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
pop tarts are not kleenex
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs