im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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