Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Who died my cat blue again?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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