Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
