singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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