I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
