so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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