you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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