i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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