Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.