no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize