I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
