theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
