areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
