Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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