screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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