hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
