I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
we're so committed to being not committed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
