So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
