and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
