I feel like I'm in dance class right now
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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