Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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